so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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