this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
