Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
