Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
