After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
