If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
