Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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