Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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