I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
