Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
