my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just had sex on a roof
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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