My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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