....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
