Someone shit on the floor
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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