Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
