I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
