like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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