Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
