Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
