It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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