**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
