There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
