boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
