I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
