scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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