How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
