shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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