My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
