Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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