Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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