i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
