we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Less talking, more tequila
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
