uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
