I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
