I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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