You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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