in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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