can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
