we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
