I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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