you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
