i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
