how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We are all done wearing pants today
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
