It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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