Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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