Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
