I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
