we made out on top of his cat.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
