do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
