dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
