There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
