it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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