carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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