there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
