he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize