my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
