Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
