I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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