Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
