I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
