So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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