the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize