God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize