Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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