i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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