I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize