Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
